Sup People

[CAG JB]

Prob a shock to see me post on here as I haven't in quite sometime.Reasons are personal for this but I'm happy to share.
Been having a hard time with health issues lately both physical and mentally.
5 months ago I found a grape sized lump under my armpit and since things just spiralled out of control.Everyone knows the concern over finding lumps especially in them sort of areas.I was in and out of hospital from then with pains in armpits, burning sensations and sever stomach neasua and pain.had c.f. scan of stomach which was clear,numeros x-rays of chest which where clear and also an ultrasound of the lump and biopsy.Turned out they told me at the scan I had two reactive lymph nodes and hearing this scared the shit of me.all that has been going through my mind has been the possibility of losing my wife and two kids with me being only 33 years old.The biopsy came back that there where two nodes but both showed no signs of malignancy.The wait for 5 weeks for these results was devastating to me and even then when I got the results you would think that this would put my mind at rest but it didn't and hasn't.iv been constantly going over shit like "what if this happens and what if that happens".All this happened and it has happened to the point of causing me physical health symptoms through chronic anxiety and also causing depression.I have been in and out of hospital on many occasions with so many pain symptoms and all caused by chronic anxiety.
Two weeks ago I tried to take my own life because my depression and anxiety was having such affect on my wife and kids,I felt like I was a burden to everyone.
I'm on my 4th week of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) with a counsellor which is part of the steps to me trying to fix the broken person that I have become.

Iv been trying to get out more as I didn't move over my front door some days as well as being heavily fatigued which is still a problem frequently.
Damn I haven't played the Xbox consistently since it all started 5 months ago.
I'm at the point now where I need to try and change this as this was a big part of my life and pleasure.My boy has a few games that I have installed that I'm sure some of you all play so if I'm having a good day and don't feel like shit feel free to grab a game with me.

Here's to positivity and trying to take one day at a time.

JB

[CAG ToxicBob]

JB I’m glad your having a good day. I may be on today and will gladly game with you. If there is anything we can help with let us know. We are a giant family and you are a big part of it!!!!!!!!!


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[CAG JB]

JB I’m glad your having a good day. I may be on today and will gladly game with you. If there is anything we can help with let us know. We are a giant family and you are a big part of it!!!!!!!!!


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Was at hospital for 12 hrs last night and only had 2 hrs sleep but well see what happens.
It'll just be a pleasure to play and be happy for a bit. Thanks Bob

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[Riddled]

Glad your ok buddy! I’ve been wondering where you disappeared to. What do they do to the lymph nodes now? If I see you on I’ll happily game it up!


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[CAG JB]

Glad your ok buddy! I’ve been wondering where you disappeared to. What do they do to the lymph nodes now? If I see you on I’ll happily game it up!


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That's the shit thing, consultant has to keep reviewing me every few months

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[GypsyOutlaw]

Keep your head up JB we are here if you need to talk

[CAG CheechDogg]

Just got home and saw this ...

JB my Man you need to hang in there ... really saddens me to know that you tried to take yer' life ... Nothing is that bad JB and believe me when I tell you this ...the last 2 years I myself have been going through some shit mentally, physically and my health is not doing so good either ... nevertheless JB the one thing I am not ready to do is leave behind all these people that drive me fucking insane ...

I will be on here and there JB playing COD WW2 but I can always get on to play some BF3 LOL ... I still play that motherfucker ...

JB my Man gaming is "Our" therapy just like you said .... it drives me crazy but that's why I know that I am naturally "SANE" ... if something else can drive me crazy that's all I need lol .... love you man!

[CAG JB]

Keep your head up JB we are here if you need to talk

Appreciate that Gypsy!

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[CAG JB]

Just got home and saw this ...

JB my Man you need to hang in there ... really saddens me to know that you tried to take yer' life ... Nothing is that bad JB and believe me when I tell you this ...the last 2 years I myself have been going through some shit mentally, physically and my health is not doing so good either ... nevertheless JB the one thing I am not ready to do is leave behind all these people that drive me fucking insane ...

I will be on here and there JB playing COD WW2 but I can always get on to play some BF3 LOL ... I still play that motherfucker ...

JB my Man gaming is "Our" therapy just like you said .... it drives me crazy but that's why I know that I am naturally "SANE" ... if something else can drive me crazy that's all I need lol .... love you man!

What can I say,heads be all over the place and the meds that I was previously on hasn't helped with that as well as everything previous.
Meds where changed two weeks ago but take 4-6 weeks to take appropriate affect but I'm hanging in there.Thats me saying this coming of a real bad day today.
Bottom line is tomorrow I have the crisis mental health team assessing me to start putting things in place to help make sure I'm receiving the right meds(instead of the fucked up shite my own doctor gave me) as well as a plan going forward day by day.
I have a endoscopy procedure to foot through this Friday to investigate the adominal pains.
Thing is when you are in this position (like you mentioned also with the mental issues) you know everyone around you will be there for you but it feels like an out of reach thing to grasp hold of especially when fighting with your own mind.Its the worst battle iv ever had.
I do really appreciate the kind words Cheech and everyone for that matter,may take a while but I am trying to keep thinking I'l get there again

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[CAG JB]

Gonna be a but longer before I'm on, today I voluntarily institutionalised myself as my local area in which I live and the services within it where not providing me with the help that I need.
Instead I was being shoved on 6 month waiting lists and just expected to deal with white myself.
Now I'm here I don't know how long I'm gonna be here but it's a minimal facility because I'm not a danger to anyone around me so I have the luxury of my phone and tablet ect.
It's so scary that things had to go this far for me but now I'm looking at it I am where I need to be to get the help I need and where people will actually listen to me as a person instead of doctors given me any old depression and anxiety med and slaming their doors behind me thinking I'm a hypochondriac. Mental health and anxiety is no hypochondria.

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